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How to text

We send texts like we inhale air therefore it is kind of a necessity of life. If everyone texts that means everyone knows how to text right? Wrong. My dolls, I’m going to improve your message sending like you’ve never seen before. Read on to get the utter most helpful tips you need to survive life.

I can’t even put into words how much it annoys me when people text me haha or the crying with laughter emoji. It’s kind of passive aggressive if you ask me. Usually when I send texts, I take the time to respond with a full sentence or the occasional ok because that is okay. Our generation won’t be too bothered by it but I’m sure if you’re sending messages to your mom or immediate family or friends who are older than 40, I’m sure lazy spelling and grammar really ticks them off. Emoji’s are great. But emoji’s aren’t great if you use them 24/7. Emoji stories and sentences are annoying too because one emoji can really have a hundred different meanings. Basically in the middle of this rant of a paragraph, I’m trying to explain that no one likes a lazy text-er. Unless you’re a passive aggressive person, you probably wouldn’t speak with one word or make a face in place of an emoji and hope people understand what you are trying to say. In between the lines of that, make sure your texts are understandable and detailed enough. It’s better to have too much than too little because too little just makes me want to block the number.

The next thing that is really important is that in texts you make sure that you say what you’re trying to say in one text. That’s so people don’t jump to conclusions and send you five texts before you can get the last half in that clarifies it. I know I’d jump to the conclusion that your mom died if you texted me that someone very close to you died and then after a million of texts from me of being compassionate you would be like ‘my fish Derrick died’ and I'd probably be really upset considering I just got super emotional for no actual reason. Don’t trick people because after that people won’t reply after an hour since you sent a text just to make sure they don’t fall for another trap. Which leads me to the next point of leaving people on read or taking ages to reply. No one likes late replies or knowing someone has seen your text but chose to put you on hold. When you do that, don’t be surprised when it sweeps you from behind. Returning the favor is in our genetics and I honestly can’t tell you that I know anyone that would not want you to understand what the pain of being benched like you made them feel. Like I said with making friends, treat others how you would like to be treated and that’s not only for texting, it for everything you do in life. Remember that.

Finally, never text anything that you wouldn’t be comfortable with anyone else seeing it or was read out loud to a group of everyone close to you. I like to think that when I get on to my iPhone’s message app my mom is sharing my eyes. Because she literally is. It doesn’t matter how innocent I am. I’m still guilty until proven innocent. So you lucky duckling out there who have moms that couldn’t be bothered to go through your entire phone, I hate you and those who have super worried mothers like myself, I’m gonna set up a pity party for us in the Maldives where we can tell each our awful stories of having a strict but loving mom. All of that aside it is so important you never send anything stupid. Anything to do with your phone is not private. You can be sure that everything on your phone’s screen is probably sitting deep down in a hard drive somewhere in China. The other problem with texting is that it become evidence. Evidence of you saying something rude behind your friends back or evidence for court that doesn’t help your case. The latter is the one of the two options you don’t want because there’s nothing you can do when what’s sent is sent. Your online footprint is so important because you never know if someone is going to stumble across it. Another thing is you don’t have to click send as soon as you type something. Read it first and think to yourself ‘am I okay with someone besides me and this other person seeing this’ and that other person can be your mom or your dad or anyone who wouldn’t approve of inappropriate content. Your next text should be chosen wisely.

So everyone, don’t be passive aggressive, don’t take long spaces in between texts, don’t leave people hanging and don’t send anything stupid. Texting is a great thing until you abuse it's purpose. I beg of you that if you receive anything inappropriate or illegal you report it immediately. You can get in trouble for knowing about something but choosing not to do anything about it. Thanks for keeping up to date guys! I can’t believe all of the attention this is getting and I’d like to personally take the time to thank you for your support and nice comments.

Much love,



©2018 by Sam Sylvester.

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